Musings Over How To Carry A Girl
by jiraiya's editor
Summary: Once again, team 10 is celebrating at the BBQ restaurant. But what happens when Asuma lets Ino have some sake and Chouji eats too much barbeque again? Cute, short (not really), and fluffy. Just like the Easter Bunny.
1. The Plan

**Musings Over How To Carry A Girl**

**Summary: **Once again, team 10 is celebrating at the BBQ restaurant. But what happens when Asuma lets Ino have some sake and Chouji eats too much barbeque again? Cute, short (not really), and fluffy. Just like the Easter Bunny. XD

**Disclaimer:** Yannoe, if I ever did own Naruto, I'd have Ino jumping on Shikamaru all the time instead of Sasuke. I'd actually let a REAL pig jump onto Sasuke and let it trample him to death. (Sorry to all those 'Sasuke-_kun_' lovers out there.)

**PART I**

"Ahhhh…" A dark-haired man smoking a cigarette let out a content sigh after downing another cup of sake.

Next to him in the booth, which seemed to be their second home, sat his team number 10. He was proud of his team, although he did think he was a bit easy on them even if they slacked off. He was especially proud of a certain pineapple-head Chuunin that sat next to him staring out the window. Across from the bored boy sat a blonde dressed in her usual purple attire and bandages. As usual, she chatted non-stop to her teammates about whatever she usually chatted about- how Chouji shouldn't eat so much… how Sasuke-_kun­_ was so cool… how lazy Shikamaru was… how she hoped Sasuke-_kun_ would notice her one day… how Asuma-sensei shouldn't smoke so much since it was bad for him… and all the good stuff like that.

The Jounin watched his team amusingly. The plump boy that sat across from him was eating nonstop, causing his teacher to become slightly worried about his own wallet rather than the health of his student. His crazed eating did make quite a bit of noise, so luckily he blotted out the loud girl's voice next to him. Shikamaru, however, just stared out the window, watching the clouds illuminated by the moon float across the sky as he tuned out the blonde. Thankfully, Ino was too busy talking and keeping an eye out for her beloved Sasuke-_kun_, that she didn't notice that none of her teammates were really listening to what she was saying.

"Asuma-senseiiiii…"

Asuma eyes refocused on the girl that sat diagonally across from him.

"Asuma-sensei," she said with a big smile on her face, "Can I try some sake?"

He raised a brow.

"Why do you want sake now?"

"Because you seem to always enjoy drinking it. And I want to know what I tastes like. Onegai?" she added the last part with puppy dog eyes.

"Eh…" Asuma eye her warily as he rubbed his bearded chin. He knew that kids their age weren't allowed to drink. And even if they were, it had to be with a guardian or parent that allowed them.

'_Then again, I basically am their guardian, right? They DO spend more time with me than they do with their parents…_' he thought as he picked up a half empty bottle of sake and swished around the contents.

"Onegai, sensei?" Ino still had those eyes. Asuma groaned.

"Oh… What the heck." He called the waitress for another cup.

'_Her dad drinks all the time… doesn't he? Anyhow, it's just a little. What harm can it do?_'

The waitress came back to their table and handed the cup to Asuma, not noticing that he already had his own cup and the only other people in the booth were kids.

Asuma heard a grunt coming from Chouji and looked towards the huge dish between them. Asuma sighed- there were only a few piece of meat left.

"Can you bring me another plate?" he asked the waitress, motioning towards the over-sized plate in front of him. The waitress smiled, bowed, and went back to retrieve his order. Asuma sighed again- that was the sixth plate Chouji had finished own his own and he could just imagine how much lighter his wallet would be after this. (T-T)

He poured some sake into the cup that the waitress had brought over for them and handed it over to the blonde.

"Remember not to tell your parents about this, alright? They're going to have my head if they don't agree with you drinking yet."

"Mmhmm!" Ino smiled as she gingerly took a small sip and made a face.

"Ewwww… How can you drink this stuff, Asuma-sensei?"

Asuma looked at the girl.

"Now if you're going to complain about drinking sake, then don't waste any," he stated as he reached for her cup.

"Nononononononooo! I'll drink it!" Ino said pulling her cup away from Asuma and took another sip. (And made a face again.)

Asuma sighed and quickly swiped the cup away from her.

"If you're gonna take that long to get used to the taste, then you'll need more sake just to enjoy drinking it," he grumbled as he filled her cup to the rim, then handed it back to the eager genin who started drinking again.

The genius Chuunin sitting across from her was now watching her out of the corner of his eye. He could already see small splotches of red on her cheeks.

"Hey… Ino. Remember you mom can't drink any sake without getting drunk and your dad doesn't drink that much." His eyes narrowed as she took another small sip smiling. "You better watch how much you drink."

He inwardly sighed as she downed even more sake. It would be very troublesome if she over-did it.

The waitress came back with the huge piled with meat. A Chouji with shining eyes drooled at it as she set it down on their table next to the cooker. Asuma sadly lifted up their tab and she happily punched another hole next the seven holes that were already there. Chouji glanced at the girl next to him.

"Yeah Ino… Shikamaru has a point there. Be careful…" With that being said, he went back to his eating frenzy.

Asuma looked at the girl. He, too, could see the small red splotches on her cheeks, but didn't say anything about it.

'_Oh well…_," he thought while he mourned the shrinking of his wallet.

"This is so GOOD!" Ino exclaimed after taking her fifth sip.

"Ah agwee wif oug kompweely," Chouji said while continually stuffing his mouth.

Shikamaru sighed again, but he kept his eyes on Ino. Her eyes were starting to look a little glazed. Shikamaru rubbed his eyes to make sure.

The blonde leaned over to the chubby boy next to her, resting her hand on his arm. Chouji stopped his eating frenzy and raised his brows at her actions. Was she coming onto him? His inner-self smirked.

'_HURRAH! BIG BONED GUYS ARE IN NOW!'_

"Hey Chouji," she have him a sloppy smile, "You want some sake too? Huh?"

A look of disappointment came over his face as he swallowed to talk.

"Nah. My dad said that barbeque doesn't taste as great when you eat it with sake." He said with contempt and went back to eating.

Ino shrugged and leaned back in her spot, taking another sip of her sake. She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the taste of sake. Shikamaru eyed her warily.

'_Yup,_' he thought, '_she's getting pretty drunk already… I'd better tell Asuma to ta-_'

Ino suddenly opened her eyes and leaned forward towards Shikamaru, resting her head on her palm.

"Ay Shiga…' she said smirking, her speech was beginning to slur now. "Ya wann sum?"

Her hand holding her cup of sake thrust forward towards the surprised boy. Instinctively, he scooted back in his seat as far as possible.

'_She's coming onto me! I know it!'_ he thought panicking as he sat rigid in his spot.

'Heyyyy… Asumaaaaa……" Shikamaru nervously said nudging the man next to him.

"Huh?" Asuma looked down at the boy next to him then at the girl with a seductive look playing on her features as she tried to get even closer to the boy across from her.

"Oh…" he was left a bit speechless. This hadn't really ever happened before… technically because he never let any of his students drink sake before. Not only that, the sake he drank was a bit stronger than the regular type you could get anywhere.

"Erm, In-" he was cut short by a loud thump that came from across from him.

"Chouji!" He got up from his seat. "Chouji? Are you alright?"

He gently shook the boy on the floor who was holding his oversized stomach. Chouji seriously looked sick.

"Too… much… barbe…" he eyes bulged as he looked like he was going to throw up all over his teacher.

Silently thanking Kami-sama, Asuma stood up and looked at the scared Shikamaru and the drunken Ino.

"Guys, I'm going to take Chouji to the hospital. You two go ahead and head on home."

Then doing what any sane man would do, he grabbed the boy on the floor by his muffler and raced for the exit, trying to escape with a full wallet. The waitress that had been serving them noticed that the man that frequented their bar was running out the door _without_ paying. She quickly took up the tab and ran after the Jounin, yelling for him to stop and pay the bill.

Shikamaru sighed, but his troubles weren't over yet. Ino was _on _the table now, crawling towards him with her cup held out for him to drink despite the plates already on the table.

"Ino…" Shikamaru said nervously, "Can you get… off…" he gulped when she smiled sweetly at him, "Please?"

She pressed her cup to his lips as her eyes narrowed, "Dring."

"Ah… Ino…" he tried to speak as she tried forcing him to drink the sake.

'_Oh, this was just great_,' the unfortunate boy thought. '_A loudmouth, drunk girl is crawling on a table, trying me to drink sake while my teacher (and supervisor), is being chased by a waitress to pay his bill. Even more, other people in the bar are starting to gawk at us, under-aged teenagers, in our strange positions. This is just great._'

"Common Shiga. Dwing sum."

His dark eyes refocus on glazed light blue ones.

'_Danggit__ How am I supposed to get her away from me?_'

"Fine den. Mweanie." Ino slurred.

Taking the sake cup away from a nervous Shikamaru's mouth, she downed the rest of the remaining sake in the cup. The now-empty cup fell from her hands as she looked around unsatisfied with the current amount of alcohol in her bloodstreams. She spotted the sake bottle that Asuma had and started downing the remaining third.

"Ino!" Shikamaru exclaimed, as he caught the falling cup and placed it nicely on the table, away from them. "Stop drinking!"

Reaching up, he grabbed her wrist of the arm that held the sake bottle in attempt to get it away form her. However, fate had other things in mind. Ino dropped the bottle and fell unconscious into Shikamaru's arms as he tried to save the plates and cups from breaking.

Shikamaru sat there for a moment, trying to take in the status of his current situation. Looking down, he saw an unconscious Ino that reeked of sake. Looking around, he saw gawkers staring at them. An uneasy smile came across his features as he broke he gaze and stared down at his feet.

'_Okay… I guess I'll just have to get her home somehow?_' Shikamaru thought exasperatedly. Without lifting his head, the genius Chuunin tried to keep calm as his eyes darted around as he tried to formulate a plan to get her home.

"It can't possibly be that bad… right?" he mumbled to himself.

"Her mom is probably home, and she should be easy to avoid. But her dad…" Shikamaru gulped.

It was already bad enough that Ino was loud and obnoxious, but her dad was another story. He didn't want to die, well, not yet anyways. He still had his dreams. He still wanted to grow up, get married, have a family- a normal family, thank you very much- then grow old while having a normal ninja occupation. Dropping Ino at her house was already bad enough even though they were teammates, but to arrive at her house with a _drunk_ Ino… Shikamaru visibly shuddered. He felt like having a breakdown and go insane just for the heck of it.

The Chunnin squeezed his eyes close, trying not to imagine the many, many ways Inoshi could slowly torture him to death.

'_It's okay Shikamaru. Calm down. Just BREATHE._' he told himself.

Slowly, little by little, Shikamaru began breathing somewhatedly normal again.

'_OKAY! First things first,_' he thought as he contemplated the situation, '_Get Ino home_.'

**End Part 1**

hey guys, if yall really liked this story, or even if you hated this story, PLEASE REVIEW! Flame me, praise me, whatever, I just LOVE getting reviews. Ask anybody in this house. I'm freaking ecstatic when I get reviews. - but really. Send me a review and I'll love you to death! Oh yeah. Thanks for reading D


	2. Step One: Retrieve Ino

**Musings Over How To Carry A Girl**

**Disclaimer:** Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun, Sasuke-kun. SASUKE-KUUUNNNN! Sasuke Sasuke-kun -Don't get that? Neither do I. We need to get a translator for that Sakura-pokemon thing.

**PART II**

It suddenly hit Shikamaru. What if he just left Ino here? No one would know. Except the people in the bar that had already seen them.

Shikamaru gulped.

'_I just need to walk away… casually._'

He stood up, pushing Ino onto the empty space next to him. Looking about, he made sure that everyone was minding their own business before stepping out of their booth. Shikamaru gave a quick glance at the girl still unconscious on the cushioned bench of the booth then made a quick, awkward stride out of the restaurant.

Once he was outside of the restaurant, he looked about cautiously to see if his sensei was still about or if the waitress was coming back. Only several people walked by, minding their own business. The Chuunin gave a sigh of relief. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he began walking away from the restaurant towards his home. It was getting pretty late, and his parents expected him to be with Asuma-sensei.

'_No matter,_' Shikamaru thought somewhat annoyed, '_Dad is probably out drinking again with his buddies._'

He gave a shudder. He just remembered that his dad's best friends were the fathers of his teammates. Which meant Inoshi would be out…

Shikamaru slowed his pace down as he occupied his genius mind with all the possibilities of Inoshi not being home.

'_What am I thinking?_,' the lazy boy asked himself, '_I already left Ino there! I don't need to worry about this troublesome stuff anymore._'

With a shake of his head, he picked up his pace and started walking faster so he could get home sooner.

A few moments later, Shikamaru began to slow down again. He felt terrible. How could he abandon one of his teammates like that? Of course, this particular teammate was loud, obnoxious, deafening, bossy, picky, unbearable, rude, whiny, vulgar, fussy, intimidating, meticulous, harsh, demanding, mean… Shikamaru's list could have gone on forever, but it really wasn't a good enough excuse for being such a coward and deserting her like that.

The cloud-watcher bent his head, and let out a huge sigh.

'_I'm such a terrible person!_' he thought to himself, '_I don't even deserve the title of coward- I'm worse than a coward!_'

He slumped on the wall of building next to him and slid down to a squat. He tilted his pineapple head back to look at the clouds lit up by the light of the moon.

'_What am I gonna do?_'

(-) 

Three minutes later, Shikamaru found himself tearing through the streets, back towards the barbeque restaurant.

'_Seriously,_' he reflected, '_I could really do without a conscience_. _How troublesome._'

Just as he approached the restaurant, he saw the one thing that he hoped he would never ever see- his family emblem flash through the crowd only a few yards away from the entrance of the restaurant. He froze.

'_Oh please, Kami-sama,_' he begged, '_Don't__ let it be them, let it be ANYONE but them!_'

He flinched when he heard his father's laugh ring through the street. His eyes widened when he saw the flash of a darker blonde hair. He almost fell over when he felt the tremors of a certain head of the Akimichi family's walk. He felt like fainting when he saw a familiar tanned hand point at the restaurant sign that hung over Shikamaru's head.

Shikamaru wanted to disappear.

'_Or just let me die!_' he panicked, '_I just don't want them to see me._'

He forced himself to move, and made a funny sideways stumble back into the barbeque restaurant. Several people looked up again, surprised to see the weird boy come back in. Shikamaru practically ran to their booth, only to find it empty and clean. He gaped.

'_Oh no…_'

He looked about him in horror, searching for the blonde. He felt a tap on his shoulder that made him almost jump out of his skin. He turned around.

"Oy, Shikamaru!" his father greeted, clapping his son on the shoulder.

He returned a shaky greeting.

"How come you're here alone?" his father asked, unusually concerned.

"Oh. I… I…" Shikamaru stammered as he tried to come up with a lie, "I lost something and I came back to look for it."

His father shook his head as he mumbled something to his Akimichi companion about how it was so hard raising a girl.

Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at his so-called father.

"Hey Shikamaru," Inoshi said.

Shikamaru felt all his blood run cold.

"Where's Ino?"

The Chuunin gulped.

"Ah…" he mumbled, "She… already went home."

"Oh?" Inoshi raised an eyebrow, "She went home, _alone_?"

'_Kuso_!' Shikamaru cursed to himself- he had forgotten how overprotective Inoshi was.

"No! No, no! I, uh, we… erm…" Shikamaru tried to come up with something, when he was saved.

"Come on, Inoshi," his father placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder, "Give my kid a break. Let's eat- we're starving."

Reluctantly, Inoshi let himself be led into the same booth that Chouji, Ino, Asuma, and Shikamaru had be using no more than half an hour ago.

Shikamaru gave a small wave of his hand as he excused himself away from the fathers. He sauntered towards the men's lounge- thanking Kami-sama that he was still alive.

'_Where did you go, Ino?_'

(-) 

Outside the restrooms, next to the door to the kitchen, a young waiter noticed the Chuunin slumping over on a wall and walked up to him.

"Hey man, are you lost or something? You look like you got robbed."

The tired boy looked up wearily at the new face.

"Sure, I was robbed. By a drunk girl that disappeared off to nowhere."

The waiter gazed the exhausted boy who was not much younger than he was. Then a look of enlightenment passed over his features.

"Oh! Hey! You said a _drunk_ girl, right?"

Shikamaru rolled his head up and down against the wall.

"You know what's pretty funny?"

A grunt from the Chuunin gave the waiter permission to continue.

"I was cleaning up a booth when I saw this pretty hot chick- 'round your age I think- sleeping in one of the booths."

Shikamaru pushed himself off the wall and was fully listening to the waiter now.

"I think she was drunk or something. Really pretty funny if you think about it."

Shikamaru grabbed the waiter boy by the collar and pushed him against the wall that he had been leaning on.

"THAT'S INO! WHERE IS SHE!"

The waiter boy gaped at the suddenly energized boy with shock.

"Whoa. Man. Chillax! I didn't do anything to her. The boss's orders were to bring her out back. I didn't know that she was your girlfriend or anything!"

Shikamaru let go of the waiter and dashed through the door, into the kitchen where all the chefs yelled at the random kid speeding through, and out through the back door.

"INO!" he called out as he flew out the door, and tripped over an object that squeaked and sent him flying even farther into a pile of trash.

"Eh? Zigamaru? What are you doing here?"

Shikamaru clambered out the smelly pile of trash and plopped down on the ground, exhausted from all the running he had done. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Oy. Ziggamawu," a pair of legs appeared in front of him.

Shikamaru looked up at the slurred voice.

"Ino?"

The blonde-haired girl clumsily held out a helping hand. Shikamaru blinked for a moment, and then reached up to grab hold of the extended hand. However, instead of pulling the boy up, the girl let herself be pulled down on top of the boy. She drunkenly giggled.

"Gwomen, gomenn," she apologized to the boy who stared at her wide-eyed.

"I-Ino…" Shikamaru, who still stared at her wide-eyed, stammered as he turned 80 shades of red, "get…off…"

Ino looked at him confused, then became a bit grouchy and used him to push herself up and off him.

Well, to be exact. She didn't just use him… rather, she used a _part_ of him.

As soon as Ino was standing again, Shikamaru scooted as far away in the alley as possible from the girl.

"Nani? Zhigamaru?" Ino stood with her hands on her hips, with a pout, "What're you doing all the way over there?"

Shikamaru, who was still beet red, stared at the blonde with a twitching eye.

'_She did NOT just do that._'

"Shigwaamaru!" Ino whined as she started walking clumsily towards the poor boy.

"GET AWAY FROM ME INO!" Shikamaru shrieked, "YOU GRABBED MY GOO!"

Ino stopped in her tracks, as she looked at him confused.

"Your goo?"

"Yes!" Shikamaru growled at her, seething, "My. Goo."

An evil twinkle came to her eye as she smirked.

"Ooh… your _goo_."

Ino laughed as she came right up to the boy. A nervous and rabid Shikamaru kept scooting away until he found that he was against a wall. He slowly stood up, ready to make a run for it if Ino tried anything.

"Aw, Shigamaru is scwared." Ino taunted him as she advanced towards him.

"I-I am NOT!" Shikamaru threw back at her.

Suddenly, the blonde was up against his body, throwing her arms about his neck, leaning extremely close to his face. Shikamaru could basically taste the alcohol that reeked from her hot breath.

'_Gross._'

Ino being so close to him.

'_Not so gross_.'

"Are you scared now?" she huskily questioned him, pressing her body onto his.

'_What is she DOING?_'

The Chuunin tried averting his eyes, but it didn't work. Ino was too close to him, she was basically _on_ him.

"Ah… Ino? Can you get off?" Shikamaru tried to get her attention as he tried pushing her away from him. She just pressed closer.

"Why don't you kiss me?" she whispered in his ear, seductively, "Then I'll get off."

Shikamaru face was red now. Extremely red. So red that if he turned any redder, he might have a blood clot and die. He gulped.

Right now, kissing her didn't seem like a bad idea.

'_What! I can't KISS her!_" Shikamaru's genius mind thought in panic, '_If I do, I'll be taking advantage of her!_ _And if I did that, I wouldn't be any better than all those perverts out there like Iruka-sensei!_'

Clear blue eyes that were somewhat hazed, gazed deep into Shikamaru's dark eyes playfully. The young Chuunin gulped again.

'_This is really tempting…_' Shikamaru told himself.

Her lips suddenly got his full attention. Shikamaru licked his lips.

'_I wonder what they taste like…_' Shikamaru wondered to himself.

No sooner did those thoughts pass through his mind, he found himself leaning in closer to the drunk girl. The blonde had no opposition and closed her eyes to meet his lips.

Just as Shikamaru barely felt his lips pressing against hers, Ino's body went limp as she lost consciousness again. Shikamaru looked down at the unconscious girl in his arms.

'_What just happened…? Did I just almost kiss Ino?_'

The blonde's head lolled over to the side as if in response.

The pineapple-head boy stood in a unsure silence for a moment.

"Ja…" the genius boy said to himself out loud, "Step One: Retrieve Ino is a success."


End file.
